kanipan: (Default)
today has been okay

i started the day by going to this old timey diner with my sisters girlfriend since shes staying over for the holidays. got this chili and toast thing. it was nice.
i hadnt taken my anxiety meds beforehand though, so i ended up getting a really bad stomachache due to that. but once i got home and took my meds it got a little better.

ever since i upgraded my computers graphics card, ive been having quite a bit of trouble with my drawing tablet. found the problem but its gonna be such a pain to fix. not only that but the internet has been wonky as hell on my computer too. that pissed me off pretty bad, since i really just wanted to draw.

i got to decorate some gingerbread cookies with my mom today. we made a nice buttercream frosting and they were really good. quite enjoyed that.

after that i started watching some show i found on netflix. its called "good morning call" iirc. its pretty good so far.

now im kind of just sitting in my bed. listening to music.

tommorow we open gifts and im quite excited for it. have to wash my hair and make myself presentable though. bleh.

im pretty pleased with how i did today. it wasnt all too productive but it was okay
kanipan: (Default)
first post and its me ranting lolol

been so stressed out recently. no motivation to do anything. intrusive thoughts getting quite bad. gah......

i always get like this around christmas time. i hate it,, i feel ungrateful when i have these episodes of hating myself when i really have like. no reason to? i have a super loving family and caring friends but i truly cant help it when i get like this.
i know that those around me would gladly help me if i reached out to them but its like. i dont really want their help.

i feel like if i lose this terrible part of myself im going to lose so much of what makes me myself. i feel like im characterized by my mental health problems and if they were to be solved i dont know what id do with myself anymore.

not sure if this is just me shouting into the void or if someone who also feels a similar way as me will see this. i just needed to tell this to people who dont know anything about me.

February 2026

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